BARBRA STREISAND: To my right is my agent. Beside him is my publicist. On my left is my personal assistant. And Fred is the guy who gets my water. Fiji water. Tap is poisonous thanks to the last administration’s failure to adopt Kyoto. That would be one of the first issues I’d bring up as Ambassador--

SENATOR GUILLIANI: We’ll get to that, Miss Streisand. I’ve just never seen a nominee bringing so many people to the table. It’s unprecedented.

BARBRA STREISAND: A singing Jewish girl playing the romantic lead in a feature film was unprecedented. May I remind you that I went on to win the Oscar for Best Actress in “Funny Girl”--

SENATOR GUILIANI: Well, unorthodox then.

BARBRA STREISAND: “Yentl” was unorthodox.

SENATOR GUILIANI: Let’s just proceed. Miss Streisand, I want to begin by asking you your views on the International Law of the Sea Treaty. Specifically—

BARBRA STREISAND: I’m pro-sea.

SENATOR GUILIANI: What I wanted to ask—

MISS STREISAND’S PUBLICIST: She’s very pro-sea. I can attest to that, Senator. We’ve had many discussions about the sea at my client’s house in Malibu, and they were all very positive. Especially about the view. It’s a fabulous view, Senator.

SENATOR GUILIANI: Thank you for bringing up Malibu.

BARBRA STREISAND: I told you not to speak, idiot.

SENATOR GUILIANI: I’m afraid I didn’t hear you, Miss Streisand. Did you wish to add something?

BARBRA STREISAND: No, Senator.

SENATOR GUILIANI: So this Law of the Sea Treaty: If you’re not familiar with it, I can tell you that basically it governs how we as mankind share and use the sea.

BARBRA STREISAND: Whose sea are we talking about here? Mine or my neighbors’?

SENATOR GUILIANI: Everyone’s. And this brings me to Malibu. Isn’t it true that you’ve tried to block people taking photographs of your sea property? Not only that—that you’ve sought to block people who might take photos from the air and indeed satellite photos of your portion of the sea?

BARBRA STREISAND: They were paparazzi! They were miserable, lousy, wormy paparazzi trying to crash my wedding!

SENATOR GUILIANI: That may be so, but what sort of message to humanity does this send? How would our own neighbors at the U.N. feel about an Ambassador so hostile to their rights to the sea?

BARBRA STREISAND: That’s right-wing propaganda! There is no one—NO ONE—more dedicated to the sea than I am. I pay millions—millions!—to protect it. I’m on ocean preservation boards! I’m committed to fighting coastal erosion!

SENATOR GUILIANI: And also fighting Malibu City Council. Didn’t you have trouble when you tried to convert some of that precious coastal land into a bigger house for you and your new husband?

BARBRA STREISAND: That’s a lie! The plans were eco-sensitive! That was a case of angry local developers trying to punish me for my environmental activism—

SENATOR GUILIANI: The environmentalists were angry, too.

MISS STREISAND’S PUBLICIST: If I may speak for my client—

BARBRA STREISAND: Shut up!

MISS STREISAND’S AGENT: Get some more water, Fred. She’s turning red—

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Recess!