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Jesus and the Burglar
01.19.05 (10:40 pm)   [edit]
The burglar was creeping noiselessly through the darkened home, filling
his bag with various valuables. As he reached his hand out to a box of
jewelry, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Shaken, the burglar stopped. For a full minute he didn't dare breathe.

Finally, he switched on his flashlight and carefully played it around
the room but saw nothing. Convinced that it must have been his
imagination, he turned off the flashlight and continued in his quest for
another man's wealth. He was busily unhooking a stereo set when he again
heard, "Jesus is watching you."

This time he nearly jumped out of his skin, he was so freaked out.
Beads of sweat popped out on his face, and as he switched the light on
again, the beam shook violently from his terror. He looked about the
room and noticed a bird cage in the corner. Upon closer inspection, he
discovered a parrot in the cage. "Are you the one that spoke to me just
now?" asked the burglar.

"Yes, I am," said the parrot.

"Why did you say 'Jesus is watching you'?'" asked the man.

"Because I felt like you needed to be warned," replied the parrot.

By this time, the man was over his fright and was more than a little
irritated at this smart-mouthed parrot that had tried to scare him.

"What's your name?" asked the burglar.

"Moses," the parrot said.

"Hah," the man said, guffawing. "What kind of people would name their
parrot Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus."
 
Michael Moore Sighting
01.15.05 (12:52 am)   [edit]

 
How To Clean Your Toilet The Fun Way:
01.12.05 (8:15 pm)   [edit]


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 
My Inspiration
01.05.05 (10:38 am)   [edit]

 
Just because you can't eat pork... doesn't mean you won't want to!
01.04.05 (7:13 am)   [edit]

 
Peek-a-boo
01.03.05 (12:14 am)   [edit]