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| Takeru Kobayashi has finally met his match!!! |
| 06.30.04 (11:23 pm) [edit] |
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READY... SET... GO!!! [b]Takeru Kobayashi[/b] (the number one eater in the world), won Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating contest - eating 53 1/2 hot dogs in 12 minutes. 
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| Controversy... What Controversy? Michael Moore is FAT!!! |
| 06.28.04 (10:14 pm) [edit] |
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Michael Moore assumes most people are so dumb/gullible that they'll just swallow the ridiculous claims he asserts in his anti-Bush, propaganda CROCK-u-mentary. Unfortunately, I fear he is to a large extent, correct because of the demographic that will check out his film. But he is sorely mistaken if he further believes that nobody will notice that he had 108 lbs airbrushed off his fat ass in the following promotional poster for his new film. Check out the before and after pics. 
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| Michael Moore Caught With Multiple Election Registrations |
| 06.28.04 (10:05 pm) [edit] |
The Smoking Gun reveals that Michael Moore is registered to vote in two states: New York and Michigan.
Although he has claimed to be an "independent” and not a Democrat, records from the New York City Board of Elections show that in reality he registered as a Democrat, the Web site reported.
"Now here's the good part: Moore is simultaneously registered to vote in Michigan, where registrants aren't even given the option of party affiliation (so he's not an Independent there either)."
And there's more: "as a New York City voter, TSG can tell you it's hard not to realize you are registered, since a voter's mailbox is regularly bombarded with candidate mail, official voter guides, and Board of Election notices about upcoming elections and reminders about the location of your polling place."
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| Fishing |
| 06.26.04 (2:46 am) [edit] |
A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in Southern Louisiana recently, with two ice chests full of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Ya, avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou & let dem swim aroun' for awhile. Den I whistle & dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest & I take dem home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The cajun looked at the game warden for a moment & then said, "It's de truth ma fren'. I'll show you, it really works!"
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The cajun poured the fish into the bayou & stood & waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him & said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the cajun.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"
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| Dave McPeek drew this - give him some respect!!! |
| 06.19.04 (2:05 am) [edit] |
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| Dave McPeek's inspiration |
| 06.16.04 (10:02 pm) [edit] |
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| Twenty Requirement for Being a Good Democrat |
| 06.16.04 (8:02 pm) [edit] |
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders
to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communist.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by
soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution.
12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.
13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee,
and Thomas Edison.
14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.
15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
17. You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in
jail, but a liar and a sex offender belong in the White House.
18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
19. You have to believe that Illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
20. And finally, you have to believe that this message is part of a vast
right wing conspiracy.
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| I posted this pic before Dave McPeek! Whoo-hoo! |
| 06.16.04 (12:42 am) [edit] |
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| Democratic Convention Preview |
| 06.15.04 (8:47 pm) [edit] |
My good friend Dave McPeek, forwarded me this pirated copy of the Democratic convention schedule for what appears to be the climactic festivities in Boston on July 28 or 29:
[b]FOR THOSE OF YOU GOING TO BOSTON, HERE IS THE SCHEDULE OF EVENTS FOR THE DNC: [/b]
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:00pm - Secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
- collection taken during the prayer for palimony.
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45pm - Antiwar rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Roundtable discussion of Taxes: "Calling for Higher Taxes on Others While You Pay None."
9:30pm - * Intermission * Special Guest SOLOIST JANE FONDA
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn.
10:10pm - Reenactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean "Yeeearrrrrrrg!"
10:30pm - Seminar: "The Boy Scouts and Other Paramilitary threats to National Security."
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the U.N.
11:00pm - Alternative marriage ceremony.
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - "Free Saddam" pep rally.
11:50pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am - Nomination of Democratic candidate.
12:01am - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:02am - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
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| Cowboys, Beer & Liberals |
| 06.15.04 (12:48 am) [edit] |
The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Later, some of the liberals actually became women. Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives
provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them.
Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal menus. Their women have more testosterone than the
men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too.
Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. They are ultimate consumers since they do not create much wealth; only marry in to it. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full- bore
Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?"
To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet." :wink:
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| UN inspectors: Saddam shipped out WMD before war and after |
| 06.12.04 (6:01 pm) [edit] |
The United Nations has determined that Saddam Hussein shipped weapons of mass destruction components as well as medium-range ballistic missiles before, during and after the U.S.-led war against Iraq in 2003.
The UN Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission briefed the Security Council on new findings that could help trace the whereabouts of Saddam's missile and WMD program.
The briefing contained satellite photographs that demonstrated the speed with which Saddam dismantled his missile and WMD sites before and during the war. Council members were shown photographs of a ballistic missile site outside Baghdad in May 2003, and then saw a satellite image of the same location in February 2004, in which facilities had disappeared.
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| I feel like Alex P. Keaton |
| 06.10.04 (11:04 pm) [edit] |
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I think it sucks that 9 /10 teens would probably rather attend the MTV movie awards than go pay their respects to the late former President Reagan.
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| Antismoking Zealots by PEGGY NOONAN |
| 06.10.04 (5:42 pm) [edit] |
"NBC reported Monday night that there is a new movement in California to ban smoking on public beaches. This is much more serious than the fact that if the law passes young people on beach blankets will no longer be able to break the ice by asking, "Got a light?" The NBC report came on right before I watched Tom Selleck chain-smoke through "Ike." It looked like such a liberated thing to do, smoking without care or guilt.
There is a great lie out there that they didn't know smoking was dangerous in Ike's day, but of course they knew. They knew because they coughed, they knew because their lungs ached, they knew because when they smoked it produced phlegm, they knew because doctors told them smoking aggravates tuberculosis, they knew because they have brains, and they knew because smokers were addicted and there is some rough knowledge within the human soul that when you're addicted to something it's probably not good for you. They knew it was dangerous. Hitler was dangerous too. The world was dangerous. They were planning the biggest amphibious invasion in all of human history. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
I have come to hate the banners. No, I don't smoke. I just believe in the right of people to be human, to be imperfect and messy and flawed. I don't dislike the banners because they're prissy bullies, though that is reason enough. I dislike them because their work forces us to look at the shift in values in our country in our time. As I watched the NBC report, I actually thought to myself: [i][b]I want to make sure I understand. If you smoke a cigarette on a beach in modern America you are harming the innocent. If you have a baby scraped from your womb, you are protecting your freedom. If you sell a pack of cigarettes to a 12-year-old boy you can be jailed, fined and sent to Guantanamo Bay with the other killers. If you sell a pack of contraceptives to a 12 year old boy in modern America you are socially responsible citizen[/b][/i]." - [i]Peggy Noonan[/i]
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| Toddler Weighs 55 Pounds At 15 Months... |
| 06.02.04 (12:58 pm) [edit] |
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I feel like this kid looks:(
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| Hillary Clinton Stamp |
| 06.02.04 (2:31 am) [edit] |
***Government Investigation***
The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of now US Senator [b]Hillary Clinton[/b] to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation.
The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered. Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations.
A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings: [i]*The stamp was manufactured properly. *There was nothing wrong with the adhesive. *People were just spitting on the wrong side.[/i]
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